Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Adrift on Dark Wings

It's hard to be alone, sometimes. I think I've gotten used to it by just not thinking about it and by burying it beneath dreams and random thoughts, and wishes. And I don't really mean "alone" in the sense of "not in a relationship" or "lacking that special someone". I have friends, and I'm very close to those friends. But even so, at times I feel like I'm one entity, unnoticed and forgotten, amidst this giant stream of life occuring all around me, and all I can do is watch and observe. Like the times when I go to Barnes and Noble or Half-Price Books by myself. I see couples, children, people with friends, all interacting and being, and I stand by and wonder what they're thinking, what they'll do tomorrow, and so on. At Half-price it's even worse, because all those people seem to know another by first name, it's like this little clique that no-one wants to tell you the password to, and all you can do is think "I wish I could be on the other side". Every now and then I wonder what life is like for those people who have a thousand different aquaintances, but no one they can really call "friend". I've got people I can call "friend" in the truest sense that should I ever need it, they'd probably help me move bodies. But I'm not sure I have all that many aquaintances, and often it's hard to wander around without anyone to talk to. So I deal by not thinking about it. Which, when you're as inclined to overthink and overanalyze as I am, is not an easy task. It's an amusing life I lead, I think...

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